I Spent Hours This Weekend with my Ex-Husband and his girlfriend…
| January 30, 2012 | Filled under Great Gabby, In all her Gracefullness, Momwich Blabs |
You read that right.
I spent hours with my ex-husband and his girlfriend this weekend. At the home that we purchased together to raise our family in.
And we didn’t kill each other. Or even smart off to each other. Or push each other’s buttons just to see what we could get away with.
You know, I met the man when I was 14 years old, was taught to drive by him, we met each others extended families, most of which are now deceased, and spent 14 years of our lives together involving 4 houses and 2 kids.
When it all went down, it WENT. DOWN. Hard. There was no turning back and really stupid things were done in the heat of the moment tangled in rage and hella tears and we’re all just lucky no one owned a gun back then. ahem.
As hard as it was, we just decided that we weren’t going to be “that” divorced couple. You know, the ones that don’t even talk to each other during the child exchange, we see them in the McDonalds parking lot on the highway every other weekend. The mom sits in the car looking clearly put out while the dad sticks his head in to unfasten the child as his hatred spills from his pores, the parents don’t even look at each other. In one swift move, the child is transitioned from angry parent #1 to pissed off parent #2. Poor kid.
And don’t get me wrong, my ex-husband and I have done some temporary hatin’ on each other. It’s all part of the grieving process when you let go of 14 years, but I would be a pitiful person if I claimed hate on the man who gave me two great kids, and he’d be pretty dumb to disrespect the mama of his princesses (and she who has a lawyer… just kidding).
Saying I hate you to each other is like sending a message to our kids that half of them sucks.
We couldn’t be more different if we tried, he and I. I’m a neat freak, OCD, hate video games, spoil my kids and he has a completely care free existence – but we have one thing in common, and it’s the most important thing to share with anyone – a 16 year old and a 12 year old, both an excellent and sometimes frustrating mix of each of us, they are so much to love.
Anyway.
So this weekend we gathered our families to celebrate Grace’s 16th birthday – and I even played a video game at his house.
The one thing I hate.
Hate isn’t a strong enough word. But I resent them for so many, many reasons.
And I got to see the two cutest almost nephews I ever had. I watch their lives in pictures on Facebook, often sulking at my screen. I was almost their aunt, if I hadn’t, if he hadn’t… I just have to remember that everything happens for a reason…
And I got to see my ex-father-in-law – who, next to my dad will always be one of the greatest men I’ve ever known. Even though I don’t “know” him now I guess.
And his best friend was there. All these people I’ve known now for 18 years. Geez. That’s a long time.
And my husband was there. The best thing to happen to me since my kids, something I feel like I should shake my ex-husband’s hand for because if he hadn’t requested a divorce, I would have never met my husband. The one that someday, I’ll be a grandparent with. The one who gets me, and completes me – and who openly accepts my children, my ex-husband, and these “situations” we do for the kids.
Anyway, all of this to say – divorce happens every.single.day – but we didn’t divorce our kids, or the concept that we’re a family. We simply said “hey, there’s a better way than all of this fighting and misery, but we love YOU kids, and that’s never going to change” followed by the typical cliche phrase of “we’re still a family, just a different kind of family”.
and somehow we kept our word.
Though I’m pretty thankful I don’t have another birthday party like that for four more years 
You ARE still family. We all are, and we’re different because we stick together
How crazy that must have been in some ways, but what a great outlook you have. I wish my parents would have been more like you, instead I waited with baited breath to see if they would speak. And I love the last part where you acknowledge your now love whom you would not have found had you not gone through the painful process of divorce. Lovely post.
Mynewfavoriteday Hot Off the Press..Dear Ellis, a Letter to my Father-in-Law.
I think you two are amazing parents!
Jenn@Fox in the City Hot Off the Press..PPD Survivor – Yes I Am!
Good for you. My ex and I never see each other (we live in different states) and thankfully we never had kids. She didn’t want any (turns out with me, I hear she has remarried and has kids now).
I don’t know where I’m going with this so I’m just gonna go.
Eric Storch Hot Off the Press..Goodreads Challenge Update
You and your ex-husband should be commended for your unselfishness and love of your children.
Sandy@Sinsationally Me Hot Off the Press..Love makes it all worth it
My brother and his soon-to-be ex-wife are that couple you see in the McDonald’s parking lot transferring their two boys from Angry Parent #1 to Pissed Off Parent #2. Both of them are handling their very new, very fresh separation in the most ridiculous, immature, irrational way possible. I hope that, in time, they come to have the kind of relationship – or at least cordial tolerance – that you and your ex share. For the kids’ sake.
You done good.
Kristin @ What She Said Hot Off the Press..Anatomy of a Meltdown
It is so great that you have made a choice to be civil for your children. This line “Saying I hate you to each other is like sending a message to our kids that half of them sucks.” is perfection.
Good for you.!
Being part of a blended family, I have to say you are LUCKY!!!! I wish the two divorced people I have to contend with saw it the same way you do. What a gift for your kids
XLMIC Hot Off the Press..What Up Weds.
It’s great that both you and your ex have taken the high road. I’ve seen the other side far too often, and it’s just not good for the kids.
Andrea @ The Penny-Roach’s Hot Off the Press..Where’s My Baby?
Sounds like you two have found a way to successfully handle divorce, in a way that doesn’t marginalize or demean each other or your respective partners. How lucky for your children!
Jackie Hot Off the Press..Life is but a song